Screenplay Translation by Stan Blumenthal
All Characters are Copyright Carlton UK
DEREK JACOBI as Brother Cadfael
THE VIRGIN IN THE ICE
SCREENPLAY BY RUSSELL LEWIS
PRODUCED BY STEPHEN SMALLWOOD
DIRECTED BY MALCOLM MOWBRAY
C A S T L I S T
DEREK JACOBI...........................Brother Cadfael
EOIN MCCARTHY..........................Hugh Beringer
MARK CHARNOCK..........................Brother Oswin
JULIAN FIRTH...........................Brother Jerome
TERRENCE HARDIMAN......................Abbot Radalfus
MICHAEL CULVER.........................Prior Robert
VALENTIN PELKA.........................Evrard Boterel
ROMAN VIBERT...........................le Gaucher
ROBERT CAVANAH.........................Olivier de Bretagn
AMELIA CURTIS..........................Ermina Hugonin
ALBIE WOODINGTON.......................Sergeant Warden
WILLIAM MANNERING......................Yves Hugonin
GUY OLIVER-WATTS.......................John Druel
TIM BARKER.............................Reyner Dutton
EVA MIDARASZ...........................Sister Hilaria
ISTVAN SZILAGY.........................Boteral's Servant
(CAST LIST adapted to this transcription from the
Cast List by JOSE ESCOBAR.)
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - NIGHT
It's a stormy night...TWO PEOPLE a MAN and a WOMAN are
helping each other across a field near a thick forest.
WOMAN I can't go on Brother Oswin.
The woman is a nun...she falls nearly taking the man...a
monk...down to the ground. He lets her go and goes a step
OSWIN You can! You must! Here! Take my cloak, Sister
On a MED CLOSE we see Oswin sees something in the
distance. From his POV we see its a shanty or shelter of some
OSWIN Look Sister! Look! Shelter!
The storm winds howl as they make their way to it.
FADE CUT TO: INT. SHELTER - SAME NIGHT
Oswin & Hileria are in it together...a single candle burns
ontheir left..Hileria is fast asleep...Oswin is fighting
thecoldby rubbing his hands. She awakens and gets closer to
theshivering monk. She puts her hands into his.
HILARIA You are cold, Brother.
She gets closer.
HILARIA (continues) Hold me close...for warmth. We
must huddle together or we will perish.
CLOSE SHOT on them both...Oswin is visibly reluctant for
itgoes against his vows as a monk.
EXT. SHREWSBURY ABBEY - SAME NIGHT. Several people walk about
the grounds....BROTHER CADFAEL islooking for someone, he holds a
lantern and raises to see.
CADFAEL Where are you...Oswin. Where are you. The monk
turns and heads back to the Abbey.
EXT. THE WOODED AREA - SAME NIGHT
Oswin is running about the area and on the trail, he is visibly
distraught about something. He falls down bu quickly gets
OSWIN Oh God! Father forgive me! I meant no---I meant
He crosses himself and then he notices he is not alone. A
dozenhorsemen have come upon him. He looks at the LEADER...a
mandressed in a white raiment and wearing a gray fur cap.
LEADER A fine evening...brother.
INT. ABBEY SANCTUARY - THAT NIGHT A YOUNG MONK carries a
lit candle, as the other BROTHER MONKS chant.
THE SCENE BEFORE
The Leader has gotten off his horse and is beating the tar out
of Brother Oswin.
BACK TO ABBEY SCENE
The young monk knods at one side and then goes over to the
otherside where other MONKS are standing...chanting.
BACK TO WOODED SCENE
The leader has taken the monk prisoner. He kicks the monk to the
BACK AT THE ABBEY
On the other side of the sanctuary are the other
monks...Cadfael's the fourth monk down from the lower stage
right. They are still chanting.
BACK TO THE WOODED SCENE
The wounded and bleeding monk is on his knees...gasping for air
and his eyes grow wide with fear when the Leader of this pack of
men, draws his sword...
LEADER Go with God.
The Leader thrusts the sword into the monk's back wounding
BACK AT THE ABBEY - MED. CLOSE ON CADFAEL
He looks worried. Then bows his head as if to know that the
young monk has come in harms way.
BACK AT THE WOODS
The monk lies on the ground...his blood flowing...staining the
EXT. THE TOWN OF SHREWSBURY - DAY
Several PEOPLE mill about, going to and fro in this busy little
town near the Abbey. LORD BERINGER , the constable of the area,
goes in and around the peole...some of which are sick and are
being tended to by the monks of the abbey. He enters the Abbey.
INT. FATHER ABBOTT'S OFFICE - DAY
He enters the door and is greeted by three monks...one ofwhichis
FATHER ABBOTT...leader of the sect.
FATHER ABBOTT My dear Lord Beringer . We
received word today of Sub Pryor of Worchester Hurwood...
BROTHER PRIOR Yes...he asks after two
children...they're orphans in his keeping. After the town was
attacked by the Empress Maud---he sent them here.
FATHER ABBOTT (OFF CAMERA) Many refugees were
sent here, to find safe haven from the war.
LORD BERINGER But not this band.
FATHER ABBOTT Uh--No. Brother Cadfael, you inquired
among the wounded in the infirmary?
Cadfael is at the window and turns to the others.
CADFAEL Oh yes---father---even among the more recent
arrivals, but there was no report of them on the road.
Beringer walks passed Pryor to the edge of the desk.
PRIOR Ah--brother and sister of noble birth. Eve and
FATHER ABBOTT Their uncle begs your leave, to enter
Shropshire ...so that he may search for them.
BERINGER Why should he need my leave?
Father Abbot and Pryor go out of CAMERA. Cadfael comes up
CADFAEL Because--uh-He supports the Empress Maud. In
her claim to the throne.
Beringer becomes irritated.
BERINGER Abbott Radalphus! I was appointed Under
Sherriff here, by King Stephen to keep his land free of her
CADFAEL He gives his word that he will pursue no other
end, than to look for the children.
MED. TWO SHOT ON PRIOR AND RADALFUS.
PRIOR The man was a knight...my lord.
RADALFUS A crusader! Late from the war in the Holy
BERINGER Crusader or not I can not allow His Grace's
enemies to roam around the land!
A YOUNG MONK RUSHES IN.
YOUNG MONK Father Come quickly...Brother Oswin has
been found! He's dying! They all quickly leave the office.
EXT. ABBEY COURTYARD
People mill about, when the double gates into the Abbey open
and A RATHER WHITE HAIRED BEARDED OLD MAN, leads a horse witha
make-shift gurney attached. Oswin is in the gurney. Cadfaelis
the first to get to him and lifts the fur blanket to look at
FATHER ABBOTT Where did you come upon him?
OLD MAN Found him at first light...by Cleve Forest. I
was out after some lost sheep, otherwise--
CADFAEL He needs warmth! He'll never wake-- Get the
hospitalir to heat some stones We must get him to the infirmary!
The monks pick Oswin up and take him toward the infirmary.
INT. THE INFIRMARY
A well lit place. Several monks come down into the main floor
area carrying heated rocks wrapped in cloth. Cadfael looks down
at his new patient and puts the rocks about him.
OLD MAN I tried him with wine, but his mouth is
CADFAEL No..No..No. His wits were battered into
confusion, but by God's Grace he's here---he's whole.
ON YOUNG MONK
YOUNG MONK Perhaps he should be bled?
CADFAEL He's bled enough as it is.Knife wound was
meant to finish him...glanced off his ribs...they didn't wait
around to see if he was dead.
ON PRIOR ROBERT
CADFAEL At least three---two of them held his
arms...here...and here. Then the third----stabbed him.
ON BERINGER /MONK
BERINGER What was he doing so far off from home?
YOUNG MONK He was delivering medicine to one of Abbey
BERINGER That's a strange route...he shouldn't have
been anywhere near Cleve Forest.
PRIOR Such a thing should happen. So close to the
RADALFUS Do what you can for him, brother! Come! Let
us pray for Brother Oswin.
The Monks and Beringer leave....The younger monk stays
with Cadfael, who is dabbing at the wounds on the face of
Brother Oswin. He sees something in Oswin's hair...and picks it
CADFAEL (to himself) Clover!
He turns to see the young monk folding his hands and with
eyesclosed starting to pray.
CADFAEL (irritated) Brother Jerome? What are
JEROME Praying...for our dear Brother.
CADFAEL (angry) When we have cleaned and
dressed his wounds' ...then you may pray...and not before!
Suddenly Oswin lets out a yelp and fighting at Cadfael who
has a hold of his flaying arms. Jerome seems startled.
CADFAEL Easy! Easy! Now...your home...safe!
Oswin in his hysteria yells out the nun's name
"Hilaria!" Jerome seems to act like he knows the name.
Oswin continues with..."She was--was so warm!....so
beautiful!" He passes out. Cadfael slowly turns and looks
CADFAEL (off camera) You will pay no heed to
what he says when he is in this condition.
JEROME He talks of kisses...holding a woman in his
arms! Such things are forbidden by our order!
CADFAEL I have told you! He's not himself...now be
Jerome looks visibly disturbed.
EXT. THATCHED ROOF HOME - NIGHT
We are CLOSE on hands preparing a bowl of poltace. It is Brother
Cadfael...he takes the poltace to table. Beringer enters.
BERINGER Will he live?
CADFAEL I have done all I can. But if his will is
BERINGER Christ God, Cadfael? What kind of man would
do such a thing?
CADFAEL The kind that kills for sport...or pleasure!
What if this should happen upon our two orphans? Lost on the
Cadfael puts the rag with poltace down on the table and
looks directly at Beringer .
Beringer 's hands are clasped.
BERINGER They left Uster alone.
CADFAEL No. There was--uh--a young nun with them. A
Sister Hilaria. (he gets up) She was cuter as a girl.
He walks over to the fireplace.
BERINGER Well---She'd be recognized by her habit. What
about the others?
CADFAEL Well! The boy was twelve---middle heigth for
his age--the sister Ameena is fifteen--uh--fair like her
brother. The Sub-Pryor reckoned she could be very beautiful.
Beringer turns back to Cadfael a full smile on his face.
CADFAEL (continues) Even Sub Pryor's know
beauty when they see it.
He returns to the table with a bowl.
CADFAEL You must let their uncle look for them.
BERINGER I will not admit the Empress nigh and I
administer to the King.
CADFAEL But they are just children, Hugh. Are they to
be left out there unlooked for?
BERINGER Did I say that? We leave at dawn.
Cadfael lifts the rag a look of satisfacation on his face.
BERINGER You know this land better than any man, even
EXT. PARTLY CLOUDED SKY - DAWN
The hew is yellow and dark gray with rays of sunlight
filteringthrough the gray clouds.
EXT. SWAMPY BOG - EARLY MORNING
Several riders are seen following a trail or a road along this
wet and swampy woodland. One rider moves ahead of the others. He
MED. CLOSE on a frozen body...half covered with snow.
Cadfael, Beringer and a DEPUTY come upon the
body...BrotherCadfael makes the sign of the cross over the body,
as the Deputy circle behind him. SOUND OF CROWS CAWING.
CADFAEL He's been dead some days.
DEPUTY (off camera) Three more here.
Cadfael gets up and walks over to the other bodies.
DEPUTY Killed by the bandits that got Brother
Oswin...dontchya think? They could of passed by this way.
CADFAEL Certainly. Drew's Farm is just a few miles
off...what were they doing here?
BERINGER Cadfael? (he holds up a garment)
Crusader's cabit my lord!
CADFAEL Brother Rudolphus said the children's uncle
was a Crusader...newly returned from Jerusalem. It would seem he
sent a rescue party after all. Would you have done less if they
were your blood? They came here with good cause, Hugh.
Cadfael lays the cabit over the bodies. He gets up and
walksback to the horses. Beringer and the Deputy follow as we
PAN DOWN to look one last time at the bodies.
EXT. ALONG THE WOODED ROAD - LATER ON IN THE DAY
Cadfael, Beringer and the deputy are riding on slowly.
BERINGER The children's uncle too recently from the
CADFAEL Twenty six years since I sailed from St.
Chamille and left the Holy Land behind. Everything there would
be changed there... everything. Even in Antioch where a certain
young widow lived.
BERINGER The street of the sailmakers...Miriam?
CADFAEL Mariam was a life time ago. Eighteen I
was...just a boy.
BERINGER And a seasoned soldier at thirty when you
returned. As I recall she graced both your arrival and your
Cadfael begins sniffing.
CADFAEL Oh she did...oh she did. What would a good
farmer like Master Gould would be burning this time a year?
They all ride hard to a burnt out shanty. The Deputy goes
infirst followed by Beringer and CadfaeL. The SECOND DEPUTY
tends to the horses.
BERINGER This was Brother Oswin's destination.
FIRST DEPUTY No did the point here...'cept the dogs.
CADFAEL Bandits looting wild, wouldn't bother with
captives...kill yes...but no captives ...not of this simple
From their POV we see several men coming up on them,
swordsdrawn...Beringer and his deputies do likewise.
YOUNG LEADER Who comes upon us with arms?
BERINGER Hugh Beringer ...I am the sherriff of this
shire and these are my men...and Brother Cadfael from
YOUNG LEADER John Druel my lord. At yer service.
Beringer puts his sword back in the sheath.
JOHN DRUEL Forgive the welcome...I took you for
BERINGER When did they come?
JOHN DRUEL Four nights ago. A dozen of them... Maybe
more...We could not stand...only run....they took my stock, but
we escaped with our lives...praise God and hounds.
BERINGER You have no notion who these bandits might
be...or from where?
DRUEL None...but it seems to me they was dressed as
soldiers of the cross.
He walks past Cadfael and Beringer . Cadfael turns to him.
CADFAEL Master Drew? Did my novice Brother Oswin come
by this way?
DRUEL He did...the day after the attack...he delivered
the medicine then was on his way again...quick as he could go.
CADFAEL He left for Shrewsbury?
DRUEL No...Brother. Having seen what we've suffered,
he was anxious for some people he met along the way...a party in
flight from Wuster.
CADFAEL Wuster! You sure?
DRUEL 'E had er with them. So he could guide them to
Shrewsbury...but they would push on for a man that they knew.
CADFAEL The alterin did say who is in this
company...of a boy and girl traveling with a nun?
DRUEL "E didn't no...But a stranger came by
yesterday...asking of such a party.
BERINGER What he is like this stranger?
DRUEL Not so much as thb>irty..nearer five and six
and Twenty I'd say..shorter than your lower chip and uh dark
BERINGER Should you hear more of him or the
children...send me word at Shrewsbury.
Cadfael and all go past Drew and his men and head to their
horses. The group is now on their horses heading back to the
BACK TO SCENE
The group passes Druel who calls their attention.
DRUEL My Lord? (they stop and listen) I can
tell ya something more about the dark man...he calls himself a
woodsman. He kept this cloak about him...tis cold no marvel...
but....as he went I saw in the folds out of sight...woodsman or
no...he wore a sword.
Cadfael and Beringer look at each other.
EXT. A WOODED AREA - SAME DAY
A wounded man hides behind a small tree...putting something
on his wounds. He hears the horsemen coming..and croutches down
to hide himself further, drawing a short sword for protection.
CADFAEL To make most of the remaining light, we should
seperate and search alone.
BERINGER What about bandits?
CADFAEL They are such that hunt by night... By some
miracle the children escaped them, we cannot wait! We seperate
we can cover twice the ground.
The man looks on at the ready. But as they pass by he
sheathes his sword.
INT. THE ABBEY - SAME DAY, SAME MOMENT
Brother Pryor and Brother Jerome are walking through the
portico on the outside...snow covers the square.
PRYOR Are you certain of this brother?
JEROME Not certain, but Brother Oswin has called out
her name. Has spoken of lying in her arms...a mortal sin!
PRYOR Ravings...it could be nothing more than his
JEROME Indeed...but what if they aren't?
PRYOR What else could they be?
They stop as another MONK pushes between them.
PRYOR Tell know one of this...at the present. But keep
close watch on him brother!
EXT. THE WOODED AREA...NEAR A STREAM - LATE AFTERNOON
The woods are thick as Cadfael now off his horse, leads
itthrough the thick underbrush...a YOUNG LAD spies the Monk and
is following....when they get past a clump of underbrush, we see
the horse go on, but Cadfael is not seen...the boy sees this and
looks around. Cadfael comes behind him.
CADFAEL Heeup! That's all right! That's all right! I'm
Brother Cadfael of Shrewsbury. I'm no threat to you or to any.
YOUNG LAD How do you know me?
CADFAEL Your being sought throughout the Shire, boy!
Where is your sister and the tutor?
YOUNG LAD Lost. (Cadfael comes to him) I don't
know. We came safe to Richard's Manner (he begins to cry)
(Cadfael puts his hand on the boy's shoulder) I tried to
Cadfael takes his cloak off and wraps it around the
shoulders of the boy.
CADFAEL Here! Take my cloak...we got to get you back
He then leads him to his horse.
ALONG THE TRAIL
They begin to cross a creek.
YOUNG LAD Meena...We must find Meena
CADFAEL We must get you home...with any luck, Hugh
Beringer might have found your sister.
The ice is thick and Cadfael gently leads the horse across
a patch of it.
CADFAEL This should hold us well enough.
He grabs the halter and walks the horse across the ice,
whistling...suddenly...he notices something near the bank.
CLOSE ON BODY
It's the body of the girl...the sister......imbedded in the ice.
Cadfael does not let the boy know and leads him across to the
opposite bank and stops the horse.
CADFAEL Wait here for me boy!
He then goes back to see the body of the young nun. He
bends down to wipe the snow off the sheet of ice covering her
body. Cadfael has a look of horrifying recogniton on his face.
He then turns and looks up at the puzzled look on the boy's
face. Then back to the body. The boy watches as Cadfael comes up
to the horse.
YOUNG LAD Is anything wrong?
CADFAEL No! No! No! I thought it was a sheep caught in
the ice--uh--I was mistaken.
Cadfael takes the reigns and leads the boy and the horse
EXT. SHREWSBURY ABBEY - THE STAIRWAY -NIGHT
Several MONKS lead the boy up the stairway. Cadfael is at the
bottom. The boy looks down at him. Beringer is behind Cadfael
BERINGER Where was he?
CAMERA on Cadfael.
CADFAEL Lost. In Cleve Forest.
BERINGER ..And the sister?
BACK TO BODY IN THE ICE.
Cadfael and Beringer come with their horses. Cadfael is
carringa single tong pick.
CADFAEL Watch where you strike.
He lifts the pick and lets it fall. CLOSE on the pick as
it hits the ice.
EXT. GATE AT SHREWSBURY ABBEY
A SOLDIER or GUARD leads a draft horse into the courtyard
dragging a gurney with something on it...a dark cloth drapes the
object as he leads the horse into the yard.
INT. THE INFIRMARY - SAME NIGHT
A fire is going...and we see the object is a block of ice
withthe body of a young woman in it. We can HEAR the drops of
water melting off the cube.
Beringer and Cadfael enter the room.
BERINGER Sub Pryor Herbert was right...Lady Ermina was
beautiful. He walks past Cadfael and looks down. WE SEE the face
in the melting ice.
INT. ABBEY SANCTUARY
The MONKS are there chanting..it must be vespers. Large candles
are lit all over the area...dripping with wax. The CAMERA PANS
the rows of monks facing each other as they sing.
BACK TO INFIRMARY SCENE
CLOSE on the fire as we see more of the block of ice melting.
The monks SING IN B.G. as the CAMERA PANS...MONTAGES...up
anddown the ice block with the body in it....CLOSE SHOTS of
running water off the table. We see an exposed finger or
two...exposed knee...exposed leg and foot. The body is now
The body of the young girl is exposed...her eyes are open as
Cadfael inspects as the others watch.
Cadfael picks something out of her clutched hand.
CADFAEL Straw...and Clover.
Cadfael carefully lifts the garment to see.
CADFAEL Hmmm...There is no wound. It's likely she
fought him off...or them! Such vermin hunt happiest in packs...
perhaps she drew blood. Clawed face and hand as she tried to
force them away.
BERINGER She's starting to bruise.
CADFAEL Her neck was unmarked, so she wasn't
strangled...Look here...the discoloration around her lips and
chin. (He puts his hand over the mouth) Smothered....surely.
And she was defiled.
Someone enters back stage...it is the boy.
YOUNG LAD Brother Cadfael?
The Monks turn to him and go to try to keep him from
viewing his dead sister.
RADALFUS Brother Cadfael will come out to you in a
short while...go to the guest house and wait for him.
Cadfael comes around by Beringer .
CADFAEL No Father...Let him come!
PRYOR He must not!
CADFAEL He's a senseable boy..there is no need to
pretend to him that violence and cruelty doesn't exist.
He takes the boy by the arm and escorts him to the body.
CADFAEL (continues) Yves?Now we have here...a
dead body. Not known to any of us. Now will you look and tell us
if you know this face?
JEROME Brother Cadfael! For shame!
From the boy's POV we go past Jerome and see the body in
CADFAEL There is nothing to fear.
YVES looks down on the body.
YVES 'Ow can she be here...she's dead. She was with
Cadfael holds his arm.
YVES She was Hilaria...who came with us from Wuster.
Cadfael looks at Beringer .
CADFAEL And where is your sister? Ermina?
EXT. WOODED SCENE - NIGHT
Armina is being chased by horseman on a road in the woods
when a dark clad stranger stops her and quickly ducks her behind
some underbrush and trees as the riders ride past.
The STRANGER takes his mask off and gestures for her to be
EXT. COURTYARD AT SHREWSBURY - NIGHT
Fires are lit, including lamps on the walls. The yard looksempty
as we HEAR OFF CAMERA.....
YVES (off camera) We ran into Brother Oswin on
the road to Shrewsbury........................
INT. FATHER ABBOTT'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Yves is sitting as the other MONKS stand around him. Rudolphus,
The Father Abbott stands in background.
......We stopped at Drew's Farm and asked him if we could
travel with him.
FATHER ABBOTT walks passed the boy looking at him.
...that he would bring us home after.
FATHER ABBOTT Why didn't you accept his offer?
YVES I wanted to...and so did Sister Hilaria,
but..Ermina was determined to press on to Richard's Manor.
FATHER ABBOTT Richard?
CADFAEL Richard Bottrell, father...Ermina's intended
YVES It's what she wanted all along! She only agreed
to leave Wuster, so that she could go to him. She said we would
be safe there.
BERINGER Then what happended?
YVES We reached his manor and there was much
celebration. At Ermina's urging Richard sent out his Steward to
fetch a priest so that they could be married the next day.
FATHER ABBOTT All was well at this time?
YVES It was Father. But about an hour later, we were
awoken by a hammering on the door.
CADFAEL Brother Oswin?
YVES Heaven knows how he found us in the storm...he
came to warn us. Praise God that he did...for within minutes the
CADFAEL Did you see what became of your sister?
YVES Richard...I think...got her away. But with the
fire and the fighting....I ran ...we all ran! But---we got lost
from each other.
CADFAEL ..And Sister Hilaria?
YVES The last I saw---she was heading for the trees
with Brother Oswin.
Cadfael looks over to Father Abbott Rudolphus, who looks
down and folds his hands in a prayer-like gesture.
INT. THE INFIRMIRARY - SAME NIGHT
Brother Oswin is lying on a cot, his head bandaged and the
facial wounds from the beating he took visible.
YVES (off camera) I prayed (beginning to
cry)...That Sister Hilaria and Brother Oswin had escaped....(he
Cadfael has his arm around the boy and gives his a
CADFAEL There's no shame in tears, when they're worth
the shedding. Has none of us grieved for him. Oswin is the
gentlest of souls...(He bends down to Oswin) No
threat...no harm to any.
YVES STOPS SOBBING FOR A LITTLE BIT.
YVES Has he said what happened?
CADFAEL No. He hasn't woken yet. But his wounds are
healing (to Yves) & he strengthens daily. (takes
Yves and turns him away.) Come...you've seen him now.
They turn to leave...CLOSE ON OSWIN still comatose.
INT. CADFAEL'S QUARTERS
Beringer sits at a table as Cadfael leafs through a book.
BERINGER The plague needs burning, before it
Cadfael takes something out of the book and walks to the
BERINGER (continues) We must find their
CADFAEL It's wild country...enough hiding places for a
thousand bandits...Let's see (UNFOLDS MAP)...I drew this
map, to locate position of various herbs in the area...but...I
hope it will serve our purpose
(CLOSE ON THE MAP) He begins to mark on the map with a
charcoal type pencil.
.....Here's Drew's holding....Bottrell's manor ...the field
where we found the rescue party...and Cleve Forest where Oswin
The dots form a perfect square.
...and here is where I found Sister Hilaria.
BERINGER Tis a fair distance from the frozen brook and
Cleve Forest where Oswin was found. Why would that be so, if
they ran together?
CADFAEL Oh...Hilaria wasn't killed where she was
found...she died elsewhere. Somewhere where there was a stack of
BERINGER 'ave been better suited for their vial sport.
to Act 2...